


Straining Against the Tether

by Dr_Lombax



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Just Kaz dealing with his feelings, Not really relationship-based, Scene from pre-canon, YOU CAN'T PROVE THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN, i.e. repressing them, rating not for anything explicitly stated just implied themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25033372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Lombax/pseuds/Dr_Lombax
Summary: Kaz was unshakable in all ways. He had complete control over his own mind.He truly believed that.A short scene that I thought might have occurred before the events of the book. Canon compliant.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 9
Kudos: 95





	Straining Against the Tether

Violence alone didn’t make you dangerous.

Kaz understood that. A capacity for violence was hardly uncommon in the Barrel- it was essentially a requirement for endured existence. And he could admit- if only to himself- that there were individuals in Ketterdam capable of far worse acts of violence than him.

But those people didn't pose any real threat. Kaz knew their names, watched them closely, and knew he could dispose of them if he so chose. Easily.

Because violence alone wasn’t enough. Violence was an animal- a beast that lived inside a person. That beast- when properly trained- could serve its master well. But most people liked to leave that monster feral, let it off its leash at the drop of a hat. In their minds, allowing rage to take over made them stronger, more powerful. What they didn’t realize was that every time they gave into their fury, they became a little weaker- easier to manipulate and disarm. People ruled by their primal instincts could be led like sheep to a slaughter house if you knew just how to apply the right pressure.

Kaz understood. Real power came from control. His beast may not have the longest claws or sharpest fangs, but it was certainly the most well-trained in the Barrel, maybe in all of Kerch. It sat at his heel, waited patiently and only leaped forward when he gave the command.

That was what made him dangerous.

\---

Kaz bit back a yawn, stretching until he heard his spine pop against the back of his chair. It had been a long day, but a profitable one. The Dregs had won a turf battle on the southern part of Dime Lion territory, and the Crow Club’s numbers for the week were looking to be higher than even Kaz could have anticipated. Which was good. They were going to need the capital if this new plan of his was going to work.

At the moment he was working on a rather extensive project. He would have to hammer out the finer points in more detail before he approached Per Haskell with it. But if it worked, the Dregs would see serious profit increases for years to come.

He studied the two documents in front of him. One of them was a cost analysis list for the materials and services he would need; the other was a rough blueprint showing layouts and estimations of dimensions.

Despite the earlier successes of the day, Kaz’s mood had been souring the longer he worked. This was by no means going to be a cheap undertaking. Even profits from the Crow Club wouldn’t be enough. He may have to actually-

A knock on the door brought him from his musings. “Yeah?” The word came out clipped. He didn’t want to give the impression that he was in the mood for small talk.

The door opened a crack and Jesper’s face peaked in hesitantly. One look was all it took for Kaz to know something was wrong. It was common enough to see Jesper fidgeting about, hands playing on the hems of his clothing while his eyes darted around the room. But there was a stiffness to the way he held himself now, and he was biting the inside of his cheek. Several things made Jesper twitchy. Few things made him nervous.

Kaz was already reaching for his cane. “What is it?”

Jesper took a breath. “Per Haskell wants to see you. He’s not happy.”

Kaz almost stopped mid-stride. Was that all? Per Haskell had some new reason to bitch every other day. “Fine. Did he say what about?” It didn’t matter really. Kaz could come up with about a dozen things off the top of his head that the old man might choose to raise a fuss over tonight. No big deal. He would go down to Per Haskell's office, stand in front of that lager-soaked desk while getting chewed out, all the while giving the occasional nod and ‘yes, sir’ when required. And then he could get back to work. It shouldn’t take more than a few minutes.

Jesper started shifting from foot to foot. “Well, no…” He turned to follow as Kaz strode from the room. They had gone maybe ten steps down the hall when he spoke up again. “It’s just… he has Inej down there with him.”

Only the most observant person in the world would have seen the way Dirtyhands faltered in his next step. Or the way the hairs on the back of his neck bristled. Or the ever so slight tick of his jaw.

All Jesper saw was Kaz give a casual hum of acknowledgment before he started down the steps.

\---

Kaz reached the landing to Per Haskell’s office a few moments later. As he neared the door he could hear the sounds of conversation on the other side. Although he couldn’t discern the words just yet, he could pick out Per Haskell’s gruff whining, punctuated only rarely by a softer voice, quiet but steady.

Kaz shouldered the door open without announcing himself. Out of the corner of his eye he caught sight of a flash of dark black hair coiled in a familiar braid. Rather than glance at her he focused his gaze on the grizzled figure in front of him. “You wanted to see me, sir.” It wasn’t a question. Merely a statement of fact.

Per Haskell greeted him with a sneer. “Why hello, Mister Brekker. So nice of you to join us.” He tilted his head towards where Inej was sitting, as if he thought Kaz had been unaware of her presence.

Kaz kept his gaze forward. “What business?”

The sneer faltered but remained on Haskell’s face. “Well, I’m glad you asked. I called you down here because I need you to clear something up for me.”

Behind him, Kaz heard Inej shift in her seat. He placed both hands on the top of his crow's head cane and waited.

“You see, I was walking through the Slat earlier, and I happened to pass by Miss Ghafa’s room.” Now that was odd. Since when did Per Haskell go anywhere in the Slat that wasn’t between his own room and the front door? “I happened to glance inside and I noticed something. Tell me Brekker, do you see anything odd about our Wraith?” Per Haskell gestured behind Kaz with a sweep of his arm, and he was finally forced to turn around and look at her.

When he did he had to fight to keep his breathing neutral. If he’d bothered to face her when he’d entered the room he would have noticed earlier. Inej sat in one of the chairs in Per Haskell’s office. She was dressed in her rubber-soled slippers and a pair of loose cotton trousers. But what caught Kaz’s attention was the shirt. She wore only an undershirt, supported by thin straps going over her shoulders. Although the material wasn’t completely see-through, it clung to her form in a way that left no room to the imagination.

He forced himself to look at her face, but immediately wished that he hadn’t. She wasn’t meeting his gaze, but staring back at Per Haskell with a mask of cool indifference. She was doing her best to maintain her dignity, but he could read the way her muscles tensed, the set of her jaw, the quickness of her pulse as it jumped in a vein on her neck. He knew it was taking everything in her not to try and cover herself with her arms, to shrink back. Her eyes were flat, like a part of her wasn’t even in the room with them, but somewhere else. He hadn’t seen that look since they’d left the menagerie.

He felt something pull inside of him with a sharp snap. The beast in his chest was lunging against its tether, claws scrabbling at his insides, demanding to be let out. The feeling was so sudden and surprising in its intensity that it almost bowled him over. But Kaz caught himself. Inej may not have been watching him but Per Haskell was. He closed his eyes, shutting out the image in front of him before turning back around with what he hoped was an air of aloof boredom. When he opened them once more he was facing Per Haskell.

“I suppose” he began with a shrug “it is somewhat odd to see her sitting in a chair. Usually she favors the tops of tables, window ledges, banisters.”

Per Haskell was not amused. “Her arms, boy. Look at her arms.”

But Kaz would not turn around again. “I’ve seen her arms before, sir. What about… ah” he said as understanding dawned on him. When he spoke again his words were even and quiet. “The tattoo.”

“Yes” Per Haskell’s sneer had twisted into something more menacing. “The tattoo, boy. Or more specifically, the lack thereof.” He leaned forward, hands splayed on the desk in front of him. “Two months, Brekker. She has been living under my roof for two months.” _Your roof._ Kaz huffed to himself with disdain but said nothing. “Why has she not gotten the tattoo?”

“It’s like I told you before.” Inej interjected before Kaz had a chance to open his mouth. “I refused. I told him when I arrived that I wouldn’t take it.” It was the first she had spoken since he’d walked into the room, and in spite of her obvious discomfort, her voice was grounded and filled with confidence. 

Per Haskell rounded on her again. “All members of the Dregs get the tattoo. It. Is. Not. Optional.” As Kaz looked at his face, he saw Per Haskell’s eyes move up and down. He wasn’t just looking at Inej’s arms.

The beast was at it again, howling inside of him. And- for the first time in years- he felt the tether strain against the effort to hold it back.

Inej’s voice flitted to Kaz over his shoulder. “I did not pledge my entire being to the Dregs. I merely have a contract. A contract I will repay. I am not yours.” Her words filled Kaz with pride, dampening his anger like cold water on a fire. Just like that his mind was clear again.

“She’s lying to you.” He stated before Per Haskell could respond. “She didn’t refuse the tattoo; I told her she didn’t have to take it if she didn’t want to.”

“Kaz-”

“That’s enough, Wraith.” He didn’t want to think about the fact that she’d covered for him, taken the blame rather than simply tell the truth and let him deal with Per Haskell's outrage. She was a talented girl but her sentimentality would do neither of them any favors.

Per Haskell was looking at him as if he’d just confessed to giving out wads of cash to passerby outside the Crow Club. “And… why exactly did you tell her that?”

Kaz smiled. Since the second he’d realized what this meeting was about, he’d known he'd have to provide an answer to that question. And fortunately, Inej had stalled long enough for him to come up with something.

“I’ll answer your question with one of my own, sir.” He said. “What is the purpose of a spider?” Without waiting for a response he plowed on. “A spider is used to gather information. To reach places that others can’t. To get in and out unseen.” He taped the head of his cane. “The Wraith’s value is in her ability to go unnoticed, even when people are looking right at her. She has already proven her ability to walk among enemy gangs with no one the wiser.”

It was true. Just last week Inej had infiltrated a safe house deep in Razorgull territory and returned with papers filled to the brim with information on their movements and blueprints for a new club they planned to open near East Stave. Kaz would make sure they never so much as finished the foundation.

Per Haskell’s eyes narrowed. “Your point?”

“My point” Kaz said with exaggerated patience. “Is that if the Wraith has to take a mark on her arm that advertises her alliance with the Dregs, it could impede her ability to do her job.”

Per Haskell was not impressed. “If the Wraith is as good as you claim she is, then no one will get close enough to see her arm. She’s getting the tattoo. End of discussion.”

The beast was back again, and this time Kaz was sure it was going to rip his chest open. He heard the soft intake of breath behind him, and it did nothing to quell the storm in his mind. There was a moment of silence before he trusted himself to speak again.

“Wraith” his voice came out flat. “You can leave now.”

Per Haskell must have missed the change of tone in his voice, because his brow furrowed. “You don’t dismiss her, boy. I do. That contract was bought with my money.”

“Did you have anything else to say to her?” Kaz could feel his words getting harder and sharper, like claws pushing their way past the bars of a cage.

A heavy silence stretched on while the two faced each other. Eventually, Per Haskell broke eye contact. “That will be all, Wraith. You’re dismissed.”

Kaz waited until he had heard the latch click behind him, then took a deep breath. “You’re making a mistake, sir.” He tried. He didn’t know what other arguments he could bring up. He had no idea where he was going with this. The beast in his chest was roaring so loud it drowned out his thoughts. He just knew he wasn’t leaving this office until he’d gotten what he wanted.

Per Haskell’s eyes became shrewd. “What’s the real reason, Brekker? Even you have the tattoo. Why let the Wraith be the exception?”

“I told you my reasons, sir. If someone’s job in the gang is intrigue, they shouldn’t have a visible mark signifying their allegiance.”

Per Haskell snorted. “Oh come now, boy. We both know that’s a load.” He was right. Inej would never have to go undercover to get into some place. She would always be able to sneak into and out of anywhere on physical ability alone, completely unseen. And besides, she always wore long sleeves, regardless of the weather. A tattoo wouldn’t affect her performance in the slightest. It shouldn’t matter at all.

A memory came to Kaz, unbidden. Inej, coming through his window one evening, a few days after he’d first brought her to the Slat. There was a bandage around her forearm, with wet blood already showing through. It was right where she’d had the peacock feather.

Kaz had barely looked up from the work at his desk before pointing to a small chest in the corner. “Fresh bandages and wraps. Change that out before you get stains on the floor.”

She’d huffed at him but crossed the room to the chest. He’d had to focus on the papers in front of him while listening to the sounds as she rewrapped the gauze. Once he’d made the mistake of looking up and caught a glance of the raw, open tissue underneath. He’d seen far worse mutilations before, often at his own hand. But for some reason that image had been burned onto his retinas for the rest of the night.

“And besides” Per Haskell’s words brought him out of his memory “Once she pays off her contract she can get rid of the tattoo.” He gave a small laugh “She’s already done it once.”

And just like that, the beast broke free.

Kaz took a step forward, a vicious snarl ripping from his throat. Per Haskell yelped and fell back into his chair, pushing away until he hit the shelves holding his model ships. The cacophony of glass bottles knocking around was enough to shake Kaz back to his senses.

The next few seconds were filled with heavy silence as the two stared at each other. Kaz became aware of his own ragged breathing, the fact that his teeth were still bared, the fact that his cane was raised above his head.

He lowered it to the ground and then, slowly, took a step back. The anger he’d felt only seconds before was replaced with a much different kind of turmoil. Shame and self-disgust were roiling inside him, along with a twinge of fear. The beast wasn’t supposed to compel him. He was the master of his emotions, not the other way around.

At some point he became aware of Per Haskell again. The man was still cringing in his seat, eyes wide, arms coming up not to attack, but to shield his face. As he watched, the old man seemed to return to himself. He huffed, sitting up straighter as he lowered his hands onto the armrests. The ships in their bottles on Haskell’s wall had been moved around, but none of them had fallen or cracked.

Kaz felt an understanding settle over the two of them as they sized each other up. Per Haskell would never want anyone to know that he was cowed by one of his own people. Kaz would never let anyone know he’d lost his composure, especially over the Wraith. People already talked enough. Ever since he’d brought her to the Slat he’d heard the gossip that he favored her, rumors that he kept her around for more than just her stealth. He didn’t have to say it but he did.

“We never speak of this.” He was relieved when Per Haskell nodded. “And the Wraith stays unmarked.”

Per Haskell opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it once more, then merely nodded again.

“Good.” Kaz could feel himself back in control now. “Am I dismissed, sir?”

For a moment it seemed like Per Haskell had no idea what he was saying. Then comprehension dawned on him. “Ah, yes. Yes you are. Go.” He punctuated the last word with an irritated wave of his hand.

Kaz took his leave.

\---

It didn’t surprise him at all to sense Inej just outside, lurking in the shadows of the hallway. He couldn’t see her but he felt her presence, somewhere off to his right. As he began climbing the stairs she fell in step behind him.

“You don’t have to.” he said without looking back “This is the last you’ll hear about it.”

He was grateful when she didn’t say anything in response. As he made the climb to his room his mind was already busy with other matters. What had happened back there? He hadn’t lost control like that in years. He was supposed to be unshakable. But he’d snapped over something as trivial as a tattoo.

_Why **did** it actually matter so much?_

It was the question he had been trying not to ask himself. Logically, he had no reason to care. He could have saved himself so much hassle if he’d just told Inej to take the tattoo. And she would have done it- he knew she would have done anything to keep her new life in the Dregs rather than go back to the Menagerie.

So why?

Again the image of the scraped and raw flesh of her arm jumped out at him, and he gave himself a mental shake.

The noise of clumping boots sounded above them, and a group of Dregs appeared around the corner of the stairs.

Kaz felt Inej move behind him, and he suddenly remembered her attire. It occurred to him that Per Haskell must have dragged her from her room while she was only partly dressed and marched her through the Slat to get to his office.

The beast was sniffing the air again, growling. Kaz pushed it down.

When the Dregs saw Kaz they stopped laughing and stood up a bit straighter. He gave them a nod and continued climbing. And if he happened to adjust his posture just so in a way that allowed Inej to pass behind him unseen, well then nobody could prove that.

When they were far enough away from the other Dregs he said softly “So Per Haskell just happened to be ‘passing by’ your room?”

He heard Inej sigh. “He came up to see me. I think he had a job he wanted to talk about. He” she broke off. “He caught me off guard. I guess he doesn’t make a habit of knocking.”

Kaz fought the irritation crawling up his spine. He told himself he shouldn’t be surprised. Per Haskell was an old dog who was used to being king of the castle. And kings don’t knock on their own doors. He was in control once more. The beast could snap and strain all it wanted. He would not let it loose again.

“I see.” He said. “From now on, it would be best if you changed clothes under your blanket. Civility is a rare creature in the Barrel.”

They reached the landing to Inej’s room. She moved past him to go inside.

“And Wraith” She turned back to him as he fixed his gaze out the nearest window. “Next time don’t lie to protect me. I’m used to dealing with Per Haskell’s tantrums.”

He went back to climbing the stairs, pretending not to hear her response.

When he got to his room he kicked the door shut behind him, casting a bitter glance at the papers on his desk. With Per Haskell, it was important to pick your battles. After today there was no way the old man would approve plans to rebuild Fifth Harbor.

 _Well_ , Kaz thought to himself as he made his way past his desk and into the small adjoining bedroom. _The Crow Club is technically mine. Maybe I don’t need the old man’s permission._

He allowed himself only the smallest sigh of relief when he finally lowered himself onto the bed, taking the weight off his leg. There was no way around it- if he wanted the harbor he would have to mortgage the Crow Club. He settled himself onto the mattress. He could do it. A harbor owned by the gang would pay for itself in no time. That settled it. First thing tomorrow he would go to the bank for the loan.

He allowed thoughts of the Crow Club and his plans for Fifth Harbor to circle around in his mind as he drifted off. They did a good job of keeping less welcome thoughts at bay, like how he might not be as in control of his temper as he’d once thought, or how he couldn’t explain to himself why he’d fought so hard to let Inej choose if she wanted the tattoo or not.

But there was one thought that he couldn’t drown out: Inej’s parting words to him. They flitted around his brain swiftly, hiding in the shadows only to pop out a moment later, much like the Wraith herself. Worst of all, he couldn’t ignore the heat that blossomed in his chest every time they echoed in his head, like something long dead coming back to life.

“If you're going to look out for me then I’m going to look out for you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Me? Spending my whole day off hammering out a one shot just because I got struck by random inspiration? It's more likely than you think.  
> Also apparently one shots are the only stories I'll ever actually finish lmao.


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